“Light arises when darkness falls.”

Unfortunately, this is going to be a short blog.

It’s been 8 months. Every day, I go through the same cycle—laptop, cats, and this overwhelming loneliness in my bedroom. This month, I finally decided: enough. Enough of locking myself in this situation, enough of letting my mind spiral into crazy thoughts.

I need people to talk to. I need a change of scenery. I need something—someone—to make me feel alive again. Maybe even… new friends (and I hope you understand what I mean by “friends”).

To make this happen, I set three action items for myself:

1. Seek new friends—just people to hang out with, nothing crazy.
2. Seek a “friend”—someone to talk to when my days turn to shit.
3. Find a new workspace—because overthinking in my room is killing me, and I need an escape.

Seeking New Friends

Look, I’m extremely introverted. Making new friends is not my strong suit. So I figured, let’s start easy—why not reconnect with my childhood neighbors? Most of them were my best buds back then. And, of course, my high school best friend, who’s been around for almost a decade.

Surprisingly, catching up with them was actually refreshing. Talking about old times, reflecting on how far we’ve come—it made me realize something. I’m proud of these people. Proud of who they’ve become, how they’ve grown.

But here’s the problem: as much as I enjoy these catch-ups, I can’t really go all out with my personal stuff. We’ve all been separated for years, busy with our own lives. I don’t know who’s still a keeper and who’s just a storyteller (and by that, I mean someone who might spill my personal shit everywhere).

Thankfully, I do have that one high school best friend I can trust 100%. We’ve shared stories for almost a decade now, and I know my words won’t leak. But even then, I started to feel like it wasn’t enough. I needed another perspective—a female perspective.

Seeking a New “Friend”

Yeah, this part is awkward to admit. But sometimes, you just need a female perspective on things, right? They tend to see things we don’t.

And considering I’m a massive introvert (and the last time I actively approached someone was 5-6 years ago), I figured… let’s take the easy way out. Dating apps.

To set expectations as low as possible, I put this in my bio:

“Not gonna sugarcoat anything—I suck at texting.”

Yes. I am a dry texter.

Matched with a few people. Had some conversations. No spark. Unmatch. Next person. Repeat. And the more I thought about it, the worse I felt.

It made me feel like a bad person. Like I was just trying out items instead of genuinely connecting with people. That’s when I realized—this isn’t for me. So, I uninstalled the apps. For good.

At that point, I told myself, Okay, maybe I can skip this part and just focus on work instead.

But yeah, that loneliness? Still there. Still messing with my head. So, on to the next action item.

Seeking a New Workspace

There are plenty of workspaces and cafés around my area. I tried a few, but most were either too loud or had garbage WiFi. Then, I remembered a place—a cozy café, not too crowded (probably because it’s on the pricier side), with an absolute beast of an internet connection.

How fast? Let’s just say… I once downloaded a 60GB game there. If you were sitting in that café around November 13, 2023, and your internet slowed down, yeah… I’m really sorry.

Pricey drinks aside, I chose this spot as my regular workspace. The ambience? Great. The environment? Perfect. So I started going there almost every day.

Barista: “Hi! What can we do for you?”

Me: “Uh… something that’s ummmm… non-coffee and ummmm… tastes good? Any recommendations?”

Barista: “Wanna try vanilla cream? No coffee, has whipped cream on top, and it’s pretty nice!”

Me: “Cool. Venti size, less sugar.”

And boom—I found my new go-to drink. An actual tasty beverage without coffee. Soon enough, the baristas didn’t even have to ask. The moment I stepped in, they already knew my order.

But then, January happened.

Somewhere in January, I noticed something different. One barista, in particular, stood out. The positive energy I felt when talking to her? Tremendous. I kept glancing at her name tag, but fuck this astigmatism, everything was a blur.

And weirdly enough? Every time I took a 5-minute break, my eyes just… automatically locked onto her.

This alone, made this place my absolute go-to work space.

The Sunday Evening

Fast forward to a gloomy Sunday evening—I was at the café again, this time with my high school best friend, venting about some other shitty stuff that happened the day before. And what are the odds? She was on shift.

As we talked, my eyes kept darting toward her, and I finally told my friend:

Me: “Hey, check out the cute barista at your 3 o’clock. You see her?”

Friend: “Oh? Yeah, she’s cute. What’s up?”

And out of nowhere, I said:

Me: “I have a white chocolate bar in my bag. I’m gonna give it to her right now.”

…except I didn’t.

I froze. My hands went ice cold. I chickened out like a total pussy.

First of all, I didn’t know if she had a boyfriend. Second of all, I have this weird trait where I just lose all ability to function when talking to someone I find cute.

But I wasn’t about to go home in defeat. Plan B: order a takeout meal so she’d have to bring it to my table.

She did. And I still froze. But deep down, my heart was screaming, “You can do this, you fuckin’ pussy.”

Me (loudly, out of nowhere): “Umm… Kak, I have something for you. Hope this helps you get through your shift.”

I handed her the chocolate bar.

Her: “Awww, thank you!” (She rushed back inside.)

Welp. That was expected. I sighed in relief. But halfway to the door, she turned around and said:

Her: “Are you coming tomorrow?”

Oh. Oh.

For the first time in forever, I blushed. Butterflies. A million things ran through my mind in three seconds.

Me: “Actually… I’ll be here on Tuesday.”

Her: “Got it! Thank you!” (She smiled and walked off.)

I sprinted to my car, hands trembling. That gloomy Sunday? Turned into one of the best Sundays ever.

Fast Forward to Today

We’ve been talking. During her break time, when she’s about to go home, just small talks here and there. And guess what?

I asked her to go to a concert on February 14, 2025 in Jakarta. At first, she wasn’t sure.

But today? She confirmed she’s coming with me.

So yeah. Life’s kinda wild, huh?

It’s 3AM as I write this. Usually, I’d be up overthinking. But tonight? I just can’t sleep from excitement.

Stay tuned for more updates. ;)